Empty

A fairy tale so beautiful...
Oh! It has all shattered!
I know the broken pieces
Because they pierce and bleed...





I wonder about in a wasteland
Among the ruins of the fort
We had built together.

Darkness comes over
But I do not have the lamp with me-
I had given it to you.

You are not around.
Many months have passed.
I am tired of this darkness!

I can see a glimmer in the distance
But it is not you.
Should I go, or should I still wait for you?

Undecidedly I proceed
To have a glimpse, at least
But oh! What is this happening?
A nearby bush is tugging
At my mantle
And I cannot go.

I begin to undo my mantle
I’ll have to leave it behind.
Now I move forward.

It looks attractive
Like a doorway to another place-
Beautiful, shiny, lighter, happier.

“But don’t open the door!”
Says a voice in my head,
“You never know what’s on the other side.”

“I can keep the door open”, I argue,
“And come back if I don’t like it.”
“Dear, you cannot come back”, says the door,
“You have to choose.
But sure, you can open me a little
And take a good look inside.”

It indeed is beautiful!
As beautiful as my fort used to be
Once upon a time.
Yet I can’t breathe freely,
Revel in its beauty or glory
Because my eyes are taking a critical look.

A ghostly shadow of long-lost feelings
Creep back into my heart
And I am scared.

I had felt this way before
When we began building our fort.
Only, it was stronger.

But I don’t care.
I want to go,
I want to feel it all again!
I want to be happy!
There is nothing happy
About the way I am living here.

I cannot call you, you cannot respond,
Our heartbeats don’t resonate anymore.
For what formality am I staying here?

It’s all empty! Empty!

I know you are there
Although you never come and see me.
That makes it even worse.

I had thought
We were building the fort together
But you stopped abruptly
And started building another cell
For you, and only you.
You thought I wouldn’t notice.

Why can’t you understand
This fort means nothing to me
Without you?

And so the fort crumpled down.

Of course you came to see me
Pretending everything was fine.
Perhaps you cared.

But I hid myself.
I didn’t want to see you.
I couldn’t take it.

It is not so bad now
Because in this desert of feelings
Nothing feels bad, nothing good.

I am standing on the threshold.
Perhaps, I must leave now.

It’s the memories- they weigh me down
But I won’t be fooled anymore
By this mirage of promises.

I must go.
Inside your cell you may be happy
But it’s all a broken place for me.
Yet I stayed- for the sake of a broken dream.

I am standing on the threshold.
Perhaps, I must leave now.

What if this breaks you?
I don’t want to hurt you anymore.
I know you are already hurt by my behaviour.
And I am hurt with yours.

I am standing on the threshold.
Perhaps, I must leave now.

Won’t you call me back?
And start building this fort with me again?

I am standing on the threshold.
Perhaps, I must leave now.

Are you calling me?
Should I wait?


----
Oh, thanks for bearing with this depressing poem. I wrote it very very long back, actually. Was too shy and all to post it. But a friend of mine happened to read it accidentally. Since its no more a secret, I thought I might as well share it.

By the way, she liked it. :P